i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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