Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
