Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
