Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
