and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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