they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
