Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
