Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
