I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
