The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
