a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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