is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
