i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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