I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
