So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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