I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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