he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
