dude i'm inner monologue high
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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