I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
