I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
