I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
