i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I forgot how hot balto sounded
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
