Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
