I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think my moral compass just broke
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
