i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
