Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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