I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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