the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
