when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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