you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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