This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
