Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
