Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Randomize
