Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Me too!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
