have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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