you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
