i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just want nice things and good sex
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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