TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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