It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
