never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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