when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
