I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
