I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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