Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
