a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
