so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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