I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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