I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize