"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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