i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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