Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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