Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
