I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im six kinds of drunk right now
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
