Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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