piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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