thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
