Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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