it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
