You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
