ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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