I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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