i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
