How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
this hospital has no fireball
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
