a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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