I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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