oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
