i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
