the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
